To Slope or not to Slope

As I was sighing and fretting through the crowd of people today at Bed, Bath, and Beyond on 6th Avenue, I thought to myself:

Why would anyone ever leave Brooklyn?

When Manhattan is like a piece of sweet bread constantly being devoured by wild, angry, and insane fire ants, why, why, why would anyone leave the comfort that is Park Slope?

Park Slope. I can't tell if it's the newness of our relationship that makes it so wonderful, or if it's a genuine attribute of this lovely town. Here I can go to CVS. There will be a cash register, with a credit card machine. Or, I could rent a movie at Blockbuster. Fuck, I could even buy a $70 purse at Brooklyn Industries, $20 Shampoo at Aveda, or a $567 Stella McCartney dress at this boutique down the street! This is fucking amazing! It feels just like home (i.e. suburbia, only more expensive and with attractive twenty-something married people). But really, I've upgraded from Bushwick and I couldn't be happier. Bushwick and I, we had some good times. Homeless people hiding in the dark, dog shit everywhere, insane crack-head roommate....late night ice cream runs, the projects, eight year olds out at 3AM, just chillin'. I don't want to idealize our relationship, Bushwick. You and I both know: it wasn't perfect.

Here I can be surrounded by 22 year old mothers of two, taking a break from their incredibly successful bead-making business to pop out a couple of brats that in ten years will be standing on the corner at 2AM, yelling "you are so over-reacting" at each other in matching miniskirts. I can watch these women and their astoundingly attractive indie rocker Chris Robinson look-alike husbands parade their bundles of joy in high-tech strollers. I can think to myself: and I thought I had a lot on my plate!

Don't get me wrong. I love Brooklyn. I love the ability to actually WALK, not SQUEEZE down the street. I love the quiet. With the exception of my pot-smoking, indie-rocking neighbors. (But they're great, really, remind me of the good ole alma mater). I love the nice Indian family that runs that magazine shop. Most of all, I love the behemoth on 6th Street that is....Barnes and Noble. Oh, and Starbucks, right across.

So today as I walked through Bed, Bath, and Beyond, otherwise known as time square, I thought to myself: Brooklyn VS. Manhattan: there's no real winner here. This Gore v. Bush all over again: except instead of a money-grubbing, idiotic, drug addict, Manhattan is just New York...

And the ants are the icing on the cake.